The Fear of the Forever Love

Love is so special that it changes the life of those who behold it. Because of love, people launch themselves into a beautiful life adventure, leave their past behind, and face an uncertain future, relying only on their commitment and determination. Love is more important than a bright future and the fullness of resources; it is the force behind it. Men and women cannot live without love.

That deep desire for love is sung again and again by singers all over the world. Love songs have been a dominant theme in music across various genres and cultures for centuries. “According to a study conducted in 2024, approximately 60% of all songs release in a given year are about love” (Repeat-Replay, 'What Percent of Song are about Love'). How about a ‘forever-love’? Well, a significant number of them express themes of eternal or lasting love, often using words like forever, always, eternity, or never-ending.

It looks like a true love expressed in any emotional, positive state of the mind is intrinsically related to permanency. Still, this is one of the biggest fears in any engagement. It is normal to experience fear; it is a mistake to let fear control us. Every major step forward faces risk. Without risk there is no adventure and without adventure there is no thrill—and we might even lose meaning. Progress occurs only when we move forward; self-contained, stagnant attitudes lead to isolation.

Isolation brings loneliness along, a feeling that most loners are trying to compensate through self-centerness. However, the feeling of selfish reciprocity is fleeting. If compared to selfless generosity, any act done for the sake of others is truly meaningful. Genuine love and selflessness create a lasting impact, enriching both the giver and the receiver.

Self-love cannot keep up to the demand. Our ego cannot love back; we are just one, not two people (exclusive, true, and satisfying love is only possible between two). The desire for love is only satisfying outside oneself. This is part of our human nature. To fight it equites to going crazy. If my goals revolve solely around myself, ignoring the broader purpose of living for others, achieving my objectives becomes meaningless, disappointing.

If we don’t fight selfish dispositions through a responsible and generous self-donation, we will always be controlled by the fear of losing the comfort of what we enjoy. In a relationship, this fear will turn love into a calculator. The calculator indicates profit or loss and as we don’t want to take a risk, we fall for further calculation and experimentation.

Because the pervasive environment is trying to bring about an idyllic new world based more on a movie script that in a real, down-to-earth, humanly acceptable reality, the rules of the game have changed for a vast number of people. The fear of a future together brings them to risk and experiment with sex before marriage. They are not aware of the extreme physical and psychological impact of the trial that they are about to face, which can change their future for the worse.

You met someone whom you liked. You have been going out together for some time and your friendship has turned into an informal commitment; you believe you are in love. Then, suddenly, you—or your friend—say, ‘Why don’t we live together?’

It is fashionable today—you might even say commonsensible, but you need to examine your feelings. Why would you turn your relationship into a living-in situation? Is this genuine love? Is love all about sex? Is it because you’re curious about your friend’s 5 am looks? Or are you secretly investigating his or her bathroom habits? You’ll eventually uncover all the juicy details in the most unexpected, diverse ways. Why then? Is it that you are balancing the benefits of a relationship, turning a living-in situation into an open excuse to experience sex?

Surely, you may have never thought about this, but if sex is the only reason you commit to someone for life, you will eventually be disappointed, and your relationship may fall apart. Sexuality is important—very important—because it reflects a fundamental part of who we are. However, sex is truly meaningful only within the context of a lasting commitment, one that involves total self-giving and the gift of oneself. Without this foundation, if sex becomes the main goal of a relationship, the appeal of sex will diminish over time. Someone who treats it as essential and misuses it may unknowingly drift toward pornography or infidelity.

Furthermore, if you engage in sex without a genuine, enduring, down-to-earth commitment to each other—which is essential to marriage—your disappointment may become so intense, even bordering on disgust, that you might lose interest in marriage altogether.

The same can be said for casual sex.

Let's be honest and set things straight: when it comes to commitment, the heart is undeniably more essential than the sexual organ. And the heart calls for more than a temporary commitment; the heart wants it all: it is all or nothing. Permanency and exclusivity are essential for a heart in love.

The turning point of every relationship, the step forward to commit to the unknown is overcoming the fear of permanency and exclusivity, the reason behind delays, uncertainties, doubts, insecurities, and the full gamut of emotions. True love harnesses fear. We learn to love sacrificing for one another to discover that happiness is in giving.

We must understand our heart and how it relates to love. We need to put aside whatever attempt to benefit from a sexual relationship leading us away from the genuine beauty of a commitment. And lastly, we shall open our eyes and discover the needs of those around us instead of focusing on our selfish interests.